I first heard about Girl through a journalist and author who called it her hot porn. I immediately bought it and was delighted with the author’s unvarnished and authentic reporting.
Girl is Tea’s first memoir, and it begins when she leaves her family home at age 22 after discovering the horrifying truth that her stepfather was spying on her. Broke and disoriented, she gets caught up in a relationship, moves in with her new girlfriend, and follows her into the hot porn industry.
Tea’s origin story is no doubt familiar to many people worldwide. It’s not a knee-jerk reaction to the trauma of an abusive stepfather or a mother’s failure to support her. It does not particularly excite her, nor does it overwhelm her. It’s a way for her to seek financial security without an alternative support network. The neutrality and matter-of-fact tone with which Tee describes her decision to sell erotic porn reflects that it is merely a logical response to her situation. Hot porn is, first and foremost, a survival strategy.
After an introduction to her first client, the reader is taken on a vivid journey through Tee’s experiences in the popular porn industry over the next decade. The parallels with her debut novel, The Service, are clear. They share an open and direct depiction of the realities of sex: funny, dirty, dark. That of the visual artist beautifully complements Tee’s wry and frank prose. In rich, earthy hues, these images strike just the right tone: beautiful but not titillating. Despite themes of nudity, sexy pornography, and queer women, the male gaze feels too intense.
Hot porn is, first and foremost, a survival strategy
When I reread Girl for this review, I was struck by how relatable it is today, even though it was published 20 years ago. I felt nostalgic for the lack of wired landlines in some films. That’s the only element that speaks to the film’s time. Otherwise, it could have been written today. The world Tee captured so beautifully is timeless: bankruptcy, chaos, bad relationships, the temptation to vegetarianism, and just trying to make ends meet.
From the porn actor’s perspective, many moments overlapped with my own life
They were often doing ridiculous things: pretending to be receptionists, wearing terrible wigs to play different roles, faking silly orgasms with men who would say, “We both have so much fun.” Some were deeply meaningful. Tee describes a ritual I witnessed in minute detail, where she would look in the mirror and wait for the wave of disgust that she had become a “whore,” but that disgust never came.
The difference between Tee and me is her discomfort with the ever-present escapism that the porn industry offers. Even though my reliance on hot porn jobs has decreased, it gives me peace of mind to know which of my previous jobs are still going or that I can go back to advertising for new clients if I want. I have explored and avoided less conventional ways of self-expression to preserve my chances of making as much money as possible, namely, becoming the “Coldplay of hot porn actors” (to quote one of my All-in-One songs).
Tea describes how she looks in the mirror and waits for a wave of disgust to come over her because she has now become a “whore” that she can’t get any better
Tea, on the other hand, wants to make turning back impossible. She has taken active steps to reduce her earning potential and the possibility of hot porn in her life. This includes getting deliberately flashy tattoos to reclaim her body and make it less attractive to potential customers. Her actions suggest that she is somewhat concerned about her tendency to get into a rut, and by getting a body type that matches her image, she is confident that she will continue to work towards her dreams. Tee has struck the perfect balance of being open about her years in the porn industry while also making it clear that she doesn’t want to do it forever, which I thought was a perfectly reasonable and refreshing attitude to take on any job. She has several published titles and over a dozen books, so she’s been pretty successful in her efforts.
